Honour Your Feelings – They Matter

Do you ever label your feelings as wrong? Or do you ever think your feelings aren’t appropriate and therefore you push them down, only to let them bubble over later?

Hello angry lady!

Sometimes it can be hard to validate and honour our feelings, especially if we prioritise everything and everyone else but ourselves. When we don’t honour our feelings, we are choosing to disconnect from our core self and who we are.

Underneath this habit to suppress our feelings is often a deep fear of feeling anything. A deep fear of feeling what is actually going on within us, because it would mean we might actually have to do something about it and that can be scary.

The truth is, our feelings aren’t as scary as we think they are. They give us messages about what we really want and what is important to us which usually just leads to living a happier, more fulfilling life.

I know from my own personal experiences in the past, I have found it very challenging to name my feelings, wants and desires, particularly in relationships. This was largely due to a fear of hurting or disappointing the other person. I instead chose to put their needs before my own, burying my feelings like they didn’t matter. This only caused resentment and depression to build until I had no choice but to face it.

At that time a good friend of mine asked me what made me happy. I was dumb founded… I couldn’t answer that question.  I did not not know what I wanted for myself, what my passions were, or where I wanted to be. I had been putting other’s needs before my own for so long, I never stopped to think what I wanted, or how I felt. I lost myself.

I soon learned that my feelings are like a compass guiding me where I need to go. When we don’t listen to our internal compass, we can end up living a life that isn’t ours.

Choosing to honour our feelings allows us to move through emotional energy like anger, or sadness so we can let it go and move forward. If we don’t let this emotional energy flow we feel stuck which can lead to hopelessness and depression. When we connect with our feelings, we understand ourselves on a deeper level and take back control of our future.

Honouring our feelings doesn’t mean being selfish. It means listening to our personal inner guidance system and being honest with how we feel and what we want. It is okay if you don’t want the same goals for yourself as what your mum, dad, sister, or friend wants for you. But the only way to discover what you want is to ask yourself and connect inwards.

Being honest with yourself also allows you to connect with other people on a deeper more meaningful level. If you are authentic and real, you give others permission to do the same.

Why you struggle to feel your feelings

There can be a number of reasons why it may be challenging for you to honour your feelings. Some of the common reasons are: 

– It feels uncomfortable to feel or express your feelings so you avoid them.

– You have been educated to put other people’s needs before your own, and if you put yourself first, you are called selfish.

– You don’t value your own opinions, ideas and needs. You value other’s opinions and ideas over your own, forgetting what it is like to trust your own judgement.

– Your worry other people will judge you, put you down or be disappointed if you open up and share how you feel.

Unfortunately these things can get in the way of being true to yourself, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can learn to start honouring your feelings by following these steps below.

Follow these steps to honour your feelings

1. Stop Hiding the Way You Feel, Be Real.

Your feelings need to be listened to. It is your heart and soul telling you what you need and what you aren’t getting. Your feelings are valid and it is important for you to experience them for what they are.  

The only way to know what you are feeling is to make some time to be with them. Put a timer on for 15 minutes, get out a journal and start writing down what you’re feeling. You can simply start the sentence with “I feel sad because….” or “I feel helpless because….” and let the words spill out onto paper. Sometimes just the action of writing anything that is on your mind will help you to connect deeper into what it is you are feeling and why.

Once you have written down what you have been feeling, your emotions will start to move through your body. You may feel anger come up, or sadness come up. The key is to be with this emotion as it moves through you, then you can look back on what you have written and decide if you need to take any action on what these emotions are telling you.

2. Let Go of Self Judgement & Validate Your Own Feelings.

More often than most, we disconnect from our feelings by judging it. A feeling comes up and we say to ourselves “I shouldn’t be feeling this way”, or “if I share this, I will be judged for being a horrible person.” We judge our thoughts and push our feelings down as if it were life or death if we expressed them.

Maybe when you were young your parents, family or teachers told you to “stop crying and get over it,” or “big girls don’t cry,” or “you don’t need to feel that way”.

So you have learned to judge your feelings as wrong.

Suppressing your true feelings has consequences on yourself and others around you. Your feelings are worthy of acknowledgement! But if you don’t acknowledge your feelings, who is going to do it for you?

Try acknowledging your feelings without judging them. Acknowledge and label your feelings by saying in the moment to yourself:

“I feel angry”, or “I feel unhappy in this situation”, or “I don’t feel comfortable doing this” etc and be present to how that emotion feels in your body. The key is to not judge it so you can feel it and be with it, like a wave moving through you. Then once you become connected to your own feelings it will be easier to speak up and express them to others.

How do you think you could benefit if you chose to acknowledge and feel your feelings without judgement?

3. Get Some Support

Some of us are better at working through our emotions than others, and sometimes we just need to get that support when we get a little lost along the way. Surrounding yourself with people who love you, who want the best for you, and above all listen to you and your feelings instead of trying to find solutions to your problems is priceless. 

Allowing yourself to grow into the wonderful person you are requires you to honour and respect your own feelings. Don’t block yourself out. Listen.

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