Break free of FOPO (Fear of Other People’s Opinions)

All of us at times feel like our emotions are ruling our lives even though from the outside we look like everything is perfect and calm. Underneath we can be a storm of raging waters.

I want to know – when you think about how you are doing in your life how worried are you about other people’s opinions? How much is that driving your behaviours?

You see – FOPO (fear of other people’s opinions) is a real thing that affects many people! In my practice, I often find this is something that creates anxiety on a daily basis.

Imagine if you no longer worried about what other people were thinking and instead just focused on yourself, can you already feel the anxiety just melting away? Easier said than done though right?

Just why do we worry about other people’s opinions:

• Hidden memories from the past – even though you have pushed these memories down, your subconscious is still making decisions based on how these events impacted you at the time. Our brain protects us by avoiding the same situations that we feel we were hurt in previously.
• Unprocessed and suppressed emotions – all those times that you failed to verbalise what you actually felt they didn’t just disappear, those emotions may still be around triggering responses in you. This can also mean that what we think other people are thinking about us is not in fact true but a version skewed by these emotions.
• Long-held limiting beliefs – the scripts you are running over and over in your head may go unnoticed by your conscious brain but they are still there creating unhelpful thought patterns.These scripts may be already writing a fictional future for you that seems very real.

All these things can impact on how we make decisions and act in daily life but it doesn’t have to be this way. The key to moving past FOPO is uncovering what is going on unconsciously by:

Becoming silent

Meditation can be another useful tool to explore what your inner voice is saying. Find a meditation that resonates with you. Perhaps it is silence, music or guided practice. You can find wonderful free meditations over at Insight Timer. 

Becoming aware

Starting to understand how FOPO is affecting you is as simple as tuning in and listening to your body and inner voice. Next time you have strong feelings about something take a moment to pause and see if those feelings really belong to you or are they instead a response to how you think others are going to react?

Becoming proactive

Once you start to become aware of the times when your feelings are being influenced by FOPO you have the power to rewire your brain. Try taking your previous unhelpful thoughts and turning them around into something positive. Here is an example – instead of ‘Everyone thinks I am a terrible parent, I am always late to things’ try ‘I am doing the best I can right now, when I go somewhere I make sure I have everything I need even if I am a few minutes late’.

Get some support

Often these feelings are ingrained deep down which is where Kinesiology and Timeline Therapy can come in to identify and shift the root causes of these feelings.

Allow yourself to let go of the things in your past that are no longer serving you so that you can start to embrace new, more positive feelings and worry less about what others think.

PS – If you struggle with FOPO you can find my Detoxing Perfectionism workbook here It’s a self-paced, 6 module dive into conquering perfectionism so you can take back control of your stress and anxiety levels in turn transforming your life.